A little over a year ago I was sexually assaulted. I won’t go into details, but I will say it was someone I knew and someone who I had explicitly said no to prior to the assault. It was not pleasant and I felt betrayed by the person who assaulted me. I felt icky for a few days and then moved on.
So how did I manage to move on so quickly without feeling victimized
or violated? How is it that I am able to sit here and write about this
without it evoking horrible memories or making me feel like less of a
Well, it’s easy. I chose not to let one small incident affect me for the rest of my life. I chose to
look at it from a different perspective than most and that perspective
is what has allowed me to move on and not obsess about a single moment
that literally was not one of the worst moments I have experienced in my
First of all, I don’t see my vagina as anything sacred. It’s an organ
made of tissue, muscle, etc… To me it is not any more sacred than my
nostrils. I have had 4 kids pass through it, it irritates the fuck out
of me once a month, and it is a general pain in the ass. There is
nothing wonderful about it. Sure it can give great pleasure when having
consensual sex, but that’s pretty much where anything positive about it
begins and ends. Just because society has taught us women that it is
supposed to be something ‘special’ or ‘sacred’ doesn’t make it so. So
when I was sexually assaulted I did not perceive it as much of a
violation of my vagina. I actually didn’t care about that.
What made me feel the most betrayed was the fact that the person who
did it was someone I knew, and someone who ignored me when I said ‘no’.
And that feeling of betrayal only lasted a few days because I am not one
who wastes much time on things that one cannot change. It happened, and
there is nothing I can do to change that. What I can change is my
outlook on the situation and decide to either let it ruin my life, or I
can just chalk it up to a momentary negative moment in my life and move
on. I chose the latter.
In my mind, the only one who can victimize you over a long period of
time is yourself. You can let that one moment ruin you, or you can move
on. These are ultimately your choices to make. Sadly many choose to let
those negative moments ruin their lives. Yes, they were victimized for
the duration of the assault, but after that it is their choice as to how
long it will continue to victimize them. To remain a perpetual victim
was not appealing to me, so I chose to move on and leave it behind me.
It’s not that hard to do, yet many who have been sexually assaulted will
claim it is. That it’s almost impossible. I however disagree and will
tell you without hesitation that it is you who refuses to make the
healthy choice to move on.
Look, there are things that are so much worse in this world than
sexual assault. Personally I would rather be sexually assaulted once a
week than have had to watch my father suffer in absolute agony for
months while he was dying from stage 4 lung cancer. To watch him cry and
writhe in pain every single fucking day. To watch him be tortured with
indescribable pain daily for months. Yes, I would rather be sexually
assaulted than carry those memories with me every day. And don’t tell me
that sexual assault is worse, because it just fucking isn’t.
No one promised us that, from the day we were born, our lives would
be easy. Shit happens. It’s what you do after that shit happens that
defines you. Lay down and let it destroy you, or get up and keep moving
forward to better days and happier moments. That is what I chose to do. I
chose life and happiness. I chose to get up and keep moving. I chose to
enjoy every moment I possibly can while I am here. And no one is ever
going to define me but myself.